Today I want to write a follow up
topic from my husband’s blog. He recently put a response on “spare the rod
spoil the child” and he asked me to write a little more on the topic. I am
going to write about several different things that relate to the topic. First I
want to talk about parenthood; parenthood involves a process of “making
disciples” of your own children. We as parents are to teach obedience not just
to bring our children under parental authority but in order to bring them to
salvation and spiritual discipleship. (Hebrews 12:11 says; Now no chastening
seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it
yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by
it.) (Hebrews 12:6 says; For whom the Lord loves He chastens, and scourges
every son whom He receives.) Suffering forms part of God’s “chastening” or
discipline of His children. Such correction shows God’s love and is for the
good of the child, producing the character of “righteousness”.
Let’s
look at Proverbs 3:11,12: “My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord,
Nor detest His correction; For whom the Lord loves He corrects, just as a
father the son in whom he delights.” See, God disciplines His children and we
as parents are instructed to do the same thing. Proverbs 13:24 says “He who
spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him
promptly”. When we discipline our
children we inflict temporary discomfort on them to keep them from the
long-range tragedy that accompanies lives without discipline. God disciplines
us for our good that we might share His holiness and learn to live wisely and
righteously. I think we as parents should discipline for the same reasons. The method of discipline mentioned in this
verse and throughout Proverbs is spanking with a “rod” (rod of discipline).
“Hates” is used figuratively in the sense that refusal to discipline a child is
to act like his enemy. Overlooking faults, ignoring disobedience, and refusing
to administer discipline does not influence a child to go the right way but
rather allows the child’s self-will to gain control over life and actions. (Proverbs 1:31 says Therefore they shall eat
the fruit of their own way, and be filled to the full with their own fancies).
I think that LOVE is the balance
and tempering force in discipline and should always be the greatest motivation
for discipline.
Willful
defiance is a deliberate act of disobedience in which a child knows what his
parent’s expect, then chooses to do the opposite. This is to be distinguished
from childish irresponsibility, resulting from forgetting, making mistakes,
having a short attention span or low frustration tolerance, or immaturity. To
nurture and control children demands enough firmness to correct unacceptable
behavior but not so much as to abuse a child. (Proverbs 22:15 says foolishness
is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far
from him). (Ephesians 6:4 says and you fathers, do not provoke your children to
wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.) Loving
parents, who exhibit a tenderness, kindness, and gentleness, no matter what the
child’s behavior, err when they intervene to protect the child from reaping the
consequences of that behavior.
Guidelines
are given for administering the “rod” of discipline, which as a symbol of the
parent’s loving care and concern, should be administered only in love. The rod
underscores the responsibility of the individual for his own attitudes,
actions, and reactions. Correction shows the child the error of his way and
pulls him to the right way.
Discipline
should be delivered “promptly” at the time of offense, catching wrong behavior
patterns before they become set. The child must clearly understand that the
behavior was wrong and that the action that was done was not only wrong towards
the parent but to God as well. The child must be led to evaluate his action as
sin, and he must be led to the need of seeking forgiveness and changing
direction. I think that the child should see grief in the parent for
disciplining them and then remain with the child until their fellowship is
restored.
When we
discipline Makenzie we have to look at her actions and see what discipline is
appropriate for each one. Some actions require firmer discipline but no matter
which one she gets we always sit down with her and talk about what was done and
why she got in trouble. We will actually make her tell us what she has done
then we will ask her how she can do better next time. Even when she gets in
trouble and she is disciplined she still knows that we love her and I think
that is the most important key in discipline.
Also, with me writing this let me just make it clear that I do not
believe in abusing your child is the right way to discipline your child. With
that being said I think I have written enough on the topic so I will close for
now until my next topic!!
